Absent present

I don't like my works as of late.  My soul has been confused.  Its angry reaction has become too acerbic.  She is gone.  Maybe for now, maybe forever.  Her final words... so pure... so simple portrayed what I had become in here eyes.  Find what you love and let it kill you, unless you can kill it first.  Now she had given me so many words.  Raw and eloquent are merely two.  A lovely juxtaposition to her final seven.  They were as priceless as they were frozen.  The first, drivein by the passion of hatred, sought to destroy.  To immobilize.  To reveal though directly concentrated attacks.  She said she had written a response for me.  I replied "Mail it."  She never did. 


Van Morrison-Into the Mystic         James Taylor- Fire and rain 

Yet...

She had given me so much.  She gave me my words.  For that I will forever be in her debt.  Why am I writing this?  Because I remember the first letter.  Its acerbic words designed to strike, to destroy.  What had made me so angry?  The absent present.

What is this?  This is what made Samson draw down the Temple down.  The rage of fury against those that had attempted to reduce.  His frustration at the absent Delilah.  That which he had believed had completed him.  And perhaps it did... for a moment... for a lifetime.

I know its over.

I know its done...

maybe for now...

maybe forever.

The fog will always come back.

Does she know.  She is a part of what made me who I am.  She lives in me.  Instead of saying goodbye, I say "Adios."  I got that from her.  If she even remembers.    I remember the awkward hands, the disingenuous touch as she hovered over her largest prize, that which held the largest prize over the other.  Salud.

The question in her eyes that I wanted to spend the rest of my life answering.  The heat rising from her. Should I forget the tender trace, the heated touch.  I don't think so.  You gave me my words.  You taught me love.  What most know only as a shadow, you made real.  For that I will be forever in your debt. 

At the end of the day...

Know that I love you...

and know that you are blessed.

Live well.